Prologue: I wrote this piece shortly after the event transpired in late August 2021. I was still quite raw about what had happened, and struggled to figure out how best to handle the situation.
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In early March, I broke my femur bad enough to require major surgery to correct it. I spent a week recovering in a hospital room without visitors, or the outside food they could bring to reprieve me from the hospital slop. My only source of socialization was a roommate who’s rapidly declining physical health was having a drastic effect on his mental health, partly exacerbated by the isolation. I experienced first hand how stressed our hospital system is right now and developed a new understanding of the importance that these resources run at the best they can for those whose lives regularly access them. It only seems logical to try to avoid having to divert already stressed systems to manage unnecessary COVID cases.
Once I was discharged from the hospital it was two months before I was allowed to begin to use my leg again. Then another three months before my surgeon finally gave me a script to start physiotherapy. The clinics that came highly recommended by friends and family didn’t accept my government insurance and my list quickly became down to just two options. I ended up going with the option which had the better reviews online and more importantly was able to get me in the quickest. The latter of which should have been a red flag in hindsight, but my desire to regain my mobility and the independence that comes with it was the main focus.
On the day of my intake appointment, my therapist invited me into his office. The space featured nothing on its gray walls except multiple nails and hooks where things once hung. During this brief appointment he appeared to be completely disinterested, extremely exhausted and yawned continuously throughout. At the end of my appointment, he printed off a sheet with exercises for me to do at home on my own. No further explanation or guidance was given. It wasn’t until I got home and read the small print at the bottom for that sheet that I saw that there were videos online that I could follow along with.
Even though my first impressions left a lot to be desired, I gave my therapist the benefit of the doubt and continued with my treatment program. Over the next five appointments I would come to understand from overheard conversations and comments between the staff that it was a “vaccine hesitant” work environment. Though I was able to reassure myself that my personal safety wasn’t at risk as it seemed that they maintained proper heath protocol with online pre-screening, masks, and cleaning.
During what became my last appointment, my therapist and I overheard the receptionist complaining. He commented that by constantly complaining she was manifesting her negativity. That if someone focuses only on negative thinking they will only see negative things. I agreed, though I countered it by saying that you can’t always control the negativity that enters your life. Sometimes bad things just happen to you. He continued discussing his views on manifestation explaining the reason why we were in the middle of a pandemic was because someone went out looking for a virus and found Covid-19. He said that had a scientist not been looking specifically for Covid-19, it would not exist. Believing myself to be an amateur philosopher, I contested his existentialist dilemma with an old tried and true adage. If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? In my logic the absence of humanity doesn’t mean that a tree crashes to earth in silence. It still generates sound waves that hold the potential to be heard by someone or something.
My therapist looked at me in frustration then plainly and specifically directed at me said that if everyone would just become infected with Covid then the pandemic would be over. People would either survive the infection and their body would generate antibodies or you die. He then acknowledged that this is called (social) Darwinism. I was immediately offended. I asked about the millions of people that would die because of lack of intervention. I explained how calculated I made decisions from a risk assessment standpoint. I did this knowing that with my health conditions the chances of me surviving Covid are very slim. If I did manage to survive, the effects would be devastating to my body. He looked me in the eye, shrugged and raised his eyebrows. He then alluded to its inevitability by saying that people were always coming into the clinic coughing and sneezing and saying they had a smoker’s cough or allergies. The staff did nothing about it in the practice. At this time, he took the strength training weight off my leg and I left as quickly as possible. I was not only offended I was also reassessing my personal safety being in the clinic.
I have since filed a complaint with the Ontario College of Physiotherapist.
For me, the devaluation of vulnerable lives has gone from a distant murmur to being yelled in my face. Witnessing casual comments online from people who valued their individual freedoms over the collective safety of society is one thing – having it come from my healthcare practitioner was another. It was a wakeup call, and I realized that this is too dangerous of an ideology to remain silent about. At its core it is simply eugenics.
If we don’t raise our voices and advocate for our rights and the rights of others, the risk of this mentality being more widely adopted is a real danger. After all I had a healthcare practitioner casually suggest the world would be a better place if I caught Covid and died.
Everyone has the fundamental right to their own opinion, even though it has only brought the worst out in some people. However, we need to remember that people with disabilities also have the right to live a life as free from discrimination as possible. This includes comments and opinions rooted in ableist privilege, shared by internet trolls, clinical practitioners and politicians.
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Epilogue: after waiting over a year to hear back, the College of Physiotherapist finally sent me their verdict from my case. They found him to be in violation of the following items:
(1) Unprofessional Behaviour;
(2) Patient Communication;
(3) Professional Boundaries;
(4) Practice Management – Infection Control and Hygiene;
(5) Patient Care – Treatment; and,
(6) Patient Care – Safety
The cherry on top was that during their investigation they found that he was also in violation of a seventh item “Record Keeping.” Unsurprisingly, he had a habit of taking shortcuts and just refiling the same documents. In the end they required him to go through some training classes and hire a job coach to correct his behavior.
When I wrote this piece I was overcome with emotions. Though I did not want him to lose his job, I also wanted the world to know how I was wronged. I realized what I wanted was for him not to do this to another person and if he did that there was a record of my story. I guess you could say that I left my evidence (dramatic pause) of his treatment of me in his file. Ok… now someone play the closing credit song from law and order for extra dramatic effect.
