It’s been a week!
Today I completed my first Rehabilitation course, which essentially teaches you all about your Spinal Cord Injury. It’s been 8 weeks since I started, and when I had my meeting today with the Doc, he said Erica you’ve come leaps and bounds since we first met, why do you think that is?” At first I was shocked to hear that he noticed a change, I’ve been feeling it but not write able to put my finger on it. But, when I thought about it, I simply said “I didn’t know… so I guess it’s the right support, the right people and the right moment.”
Having someone to compare war stories with is a blessing all in its own, it’s made me fall back on humbled knees many times and say Thank You Lord. I knew the material like I wrote it myself, what I did not know was what was normal. I learned where my injuries were, what they effect and how to manage. I see my own over do under do behaviours because yeah, it’s fucking shit going paralyzed part way through life, and your biggest enemy is you. It’s all your thoughts, fears, dreams and desires, to move, to escape, to fight or flight, nothing registers until you learn like Pavlovs dog and obey your body. For me, not knowing was causing a repetitive stress injury in my spinal column, it locked up my muscles, eroded my bones and joints, wreaked havoc on my heart and pulmonary functions, shut down my lower organs and then I thought 
maybe somethings wrong, I should probably lay down. I didn’t know to stop, I didn’t now how and never once did I feel like I could… until I absolutely couldn’t. And so, each day I can forgive myself a little more for getting sick, I can accept it wasn’t my fault and I can rise a little easier with my grief and someday like today, I can wrap up in a blanket and cry on the floor And then, like a boss bitch 
I get up, do a part of laundry, have a nap, I’ve walked Cal down twice in the walker (Wheelchair won’t go through gravel) and even napped right away that was using up a few “Spoons” but my bounce back is better, stronger and faster all around. My peace inside is ballooning and for that I’m pretty ficking grateful today!
maybe somethings wrong, I should probably lay down. I didn’t know to stop, I didn’t now how and never once did I feel like I could… until I absolutely couldn’t. And so, each day I can forgive myself a little more for getting sick, I can accept it wasn’t my fault and I can rise a little easier with my grief and someday like today, I can wrap up in a blanket and cry on the floor And then, like a boss bitch I get up, do a part of laundry, have a nap, I’ve walked Cal down twice in the walker (Wheelchair won’t go through gravel) and even napped right away that was using up a few “Spoons” but my bounce back is better, stronger and faster all around. My peace inside is ballooning and for that I’m pretty ficking grateful today!
